Order our lives so that we make room
for the largeness of our love.
Shea
Darian
Over the years,
many parents have asked for advice concerning the various challenges that arise
when caring for their little ones. While
there are a few quick tricks that I can offer, like swaddling a restless
infant, for example. In general, a
holistic approach requires much broader, long-term remedies. Whether the difficulty surrounds sleeping,
eating or discipline, chances are that a simple and consistent daily rhythm
will alleviate the problem and allow the family to function happily.
One
of the tasks of the growing child and one of the functions of parenting is to
bring the child into rhythm. It seems as
though the life of a newborn lacks rhythm completely. Feeding and sleeping
occur on demand at irregular intervals, even the baby's breathing is
erratic. The first hours, days and weeks
of my son's life seemed timeless and otherworldly to me. Like most new parents, I was enamored,
emotional and exhausted. Gradually a rhythm began to develop and it brought
peace and purpose, calm and contentment.
An ordered, predictable daily structure
provides the young child with a sense of security and a sense that life has
real form. Knowing what's next enables him to go with the flow
with greater ease. It is a great
comfort for a child to know what to expect and what is expected of him. Strong daily rhythms and repetition reduce
unnecessary decisions and allow us to be more present in the moment for our
children and ourselves. Our family
rhythms needn't be mundane. They can be
loving, nurturing, balancing, interesting, joyful, beautiful, and fun. They nurture our sense of life.
Discipline
issues are greatly reduced when we've established strong rhythms. Activities are taken as a matter of fact and become habits. Regularity is the key to creating good
habits. If a child has washed his own dish
after eating each day since he could reach the sink, what aggravation we are
saving him as an adult! He shall be
liberated from woeful glances at a sink overflowing with crusty dishes. As your children get older, they will
transform the outer structure that you have helped establish into inner self-discipline.
How
do we create rhythms and rituals with our children? We begin by forming our
lives around the essentials, nourishment and rest, with plenty of outdoor play
in between. Consistent bedtime and
meals reduce tension and confrontations at what can be the most challenging
times of the day. These sacred times can
be held by ritual, a blessing before meals or a lullaby at bedtime. Regular meal times, naps and bed times help
to start orientate the child to the passing of time. Establishing these external rhythms allow
internal rhythms to develop. When dinner time and bedtime are consistent,
a child becomes hungry at dinner time and sleepy at bedtime.
Young children need at least 10
hours of sleep at night. And,
pediatricians recommend a total of 12-15 hours of sleep each day. Bedtime routines can revolve around hygiene
and bonding. At our house, we ease into the evening by lowering the
lights immediately after dinner and preparing a warm, lavender bath. The radio and television are quiet. Our voices are lowered. After bath time, we have some cozy play time
in the dimly lit bedroom. The room has
been warmed with a space heater, so we take our time dressing, allowing the
children to learn to put on their own pajamas.
This gentle pace sets the tone for the evening. Young
children find comfort at bedtime when we do the same preparations in the
same way at the same time every night.
One simple story from a book, or better yet an oral tale, can be told
again and again for weeks. This allows
the child's mind to calm and relax into sleep.
When we watch television or read many books before bed, the mind
becomes filled with images and it is
difficult relax . On the other hand, the quite presence of loving parents can
bring a sense of peace to a child as he prepares to slumber.
Let your day breathe life, balancing
in-breaths like painting, quiet play, bathing, and sleep with active
out-breaths (outdoor play, exploring, singing, going to the market, visiting
friends, etc). There are times for
drawing our children into our embrace, and other times to release them unto
themselves and their world.
Your daily life is your temple and
your religion....
Kahlil
Gibran
Our Daily Rhythm
Sunshine Garden
Indoor Play... greeting, playing, singing, domestic
and artistic activities, tidying, cooking, table setting
Snack... hand washing, blessing, passing,
pouring, eating, dish washing
Outdoor Play... dressing, climbing, running, jumping,
digging, dancing, singing, exploring
Lunch... hand and face washing, table setting,
blessing, eating, thanking, dish washing, clearing, sweeping
Nap... tooth brushing,
tucking in, story telling, lullabies, listening, resting, waking, snuggling,
hair brushing
Snack... hand washing,
farewell to Miss Jaimmie and family, story and snack with Mister Jeremy
Outdoor Play... enjoying each
other and the outdoors until families reunite for the evening
Sources: Seven Times the Sun, Shea Darian
You
are Your Child's First Teacher, Rahima Baldwin Dancy
Beyond
the Rainbow Bridge, Barbara J.
Patterson and Pamela Bradley
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