Thoughts from Miss Jane
I didn’t know it had a name when I did it. It hadn’t even been a question in my mind. His birthday was May 22, of course, which for a Waldorf Kindergarten is very close to the cutoff date for going on to first grade. But here he was again, looking at me intently and saying, “I am going to stay in kindergarten until Carl is in kindergarten and we can go onto first grade together.” Gustav was going wait a long time in kindergarten if he was going to wait for Carl. Carl was Gustav’s one year old brother. I knew Gustav loved his younger brother, still loves him and so when I first heard him say it, I had laughed.
Gustav had good friends going onto first grade. He was confident and curious about his numbers and letters. He could focus and sit still and there was no reason for him to spend another year in kindergarten because outwardly he was showing all the indications of being ready. And yet, here he was saying it again and something in me heard him. I decided then and there to “redshirt” my son.
It was time for March parent teacher conferences so when Miss Rose began to talk about Gustav going onto first grade, I had to stop her and I heard myself say, “Well I am actually thinking I am going to hold him back in kindergarten for one more year.” Miss Rose was surprised to say the least, but she was not opposed to it either. And so, Gustav spent a third year in kindergarten. I have never heard him again mention waiting for Carl.
Gustav has now graduated from McGill University with an engineering degree. He is working in a job that he finds challenging and enjoys. He is engaged to be married. Gustav says he doesn’t remember saying or thinking he wanted to wait for Carl but that it was certainly a decision that turned out for the best for him. It was not all smooth sailing. There were some very rocky patches in middle school, when I knocked my head and thought to myself, “What was I thinking!!”
Another parent also had a son with a spring birthday. His teachers wanted him to spend one more year in kindergarten but, for entirely different reasons, his mother’s intuition was to send him onto first grade. I am sorry to say that her son’s teachers were not as accommodating and the family decided to enroll him in a different school where he would be welcomed into 1st grade without hesitation. He is now in high school and is a fine young man. Several years later, I asked his mother if she ever regretted her decision, and her response at that time was no.
Now that Gustav is a young man looking to start a family of his own, it is fun to ponder the what ifs of the choices I made as his parent. Last night when I told him I was writing this article he told me it wasn’t necessarily a right decision or a wrong decision, but he felt it certainly sent him on a trajectory that he was still grappling with. Thoughtfully he said the real moral of the story was not whether it was right or wrong but rather to look, listen and pray. Look at your children and know that you do have choices. Listen to what your children may be trying to tell you and pray. Why pray, I asked him, and he answered because there is so much in this world that we cannot see or know and praying helps you to discern if your decision is at least sound or not.
Amen to that!
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