Adapting Traditions by Jaimmie Stugard

“The cycle of the year is a mighty breathing of the earth in relation to the cosmos.” – Rudolf Steiner 

While we won’t be celebrating our traditional, community wide lantern walk this year, I hope your family will have a chance to take a lantern walk together. Adapting our seasonal celebrations and incorporating them into our home life is especially meaningful in these uncertain and unusual times. They provide an opportunity to lift ourselves out of the day to day, celebrate the earth and connect to the world around us. Including children in the preparation of simple, annual festivals creates a mood of anticipation and allows the children to experience and participate in the process of life. 

As the holidays approach, many families are considering how to adapt their holiday traditions for the safety of all while the pandemic continues. To be honest, I am really looking forward to a quiet and intimate holiday season at home with my husband and children. For years, the holidays have been a time of hustle and bustle, dashing from here to there, giving and receiving and lots and lots of eating. While I love spending time with my extended family and will surely miss them this holiday season, I think that a cozy, quiet year at home will be a nice change of pace. 

For Halloween, we will take a neighborhood walk in our costumes, light our jack o’lanterns, have a fire and warm apple cider in the yard, nibble on sweets, and watch some spooky movies. We made a candy chute in case any social distancing trick or treaters come by. In November, we’ll take a lantern walk in nature. And, we will cook together and enjoy a home-made feast of our favorite Indian cuisine this Thanksgiving. As a vegetarian, I am excited to celebrate a non-traditional feast day. And, I expect that a mellow Christmas at home may be almost as enjoyable as it is unimaginable! It has been years since I took the time to mail New Year’s cards to my family and friends and I look forward to taking the time to rekindle this tradition. I am grateful for the opportunity to slow down, adapt and deepen my experience of these family traditions. Then, when the time is right, we will once again enjoy the gift of being in community together.

Summer in the Violet Garden by Sandra Schmidt

Dear Parents, 

June has quickly turned into the middle of July for me. After the cold Spring, the warmth feels good. With the warm weather we’ve been able to run through the sprinkler during outside time in the morning. Our garden continues to grow lush with this warmth - tomatoes will soon ripen to nibble on and we have been feasting on raspberries these last few weeks. 

As we settle into our “new normal”, I’m sure my co-workers would agree that we weren’t quite sure what to expect with our reopening last month during a pandemic. I have found that the children and I are still the same. We enjoy each other’s company - we talk of what we’ve done at home and what we plan to do. We look ahead to our summer birthdays, and how the raspberries are red and tasty...how the mint is up to Luci’s bellybutton. In short, life carries on. This summer there are fewer children in my suite, this has given me the opportunity to implement the new health protocols into our daily rhythm with the least disruption to the children. I do wear a mask for most of the day, but it is not questioned why (it has become an accessory like my glasses). I do feel strongly that the world of COVID is not for the children. Their world is a dreamy one of fairies and gnomes, and all things magical. The pandemic has brought back memories for me, I remember being eight and watching the news...listening to the adult conversation and being terrified that an unknown enemy (to me) from Vietnam would find me. My eight-year-old mind devised a plan to hide under my bed when the Vietnamese came to our house in Wauwatosa. That I could hide and be safe. I was burdened with fear. I do not wish the children in my care to have a similar burden. I sense my co-workers feel the same because talk about COVID is generally limited to “adults only” time. 

For now, our routine in the Violet Garden remains much like any other summer at LifeWays...lots of time outdoors, healthy meals and being comfy cozy at nap. At lunch, we will continue to talk about birthdays and what we plan to be at Halloween. Even now with all the uncertainty in the world, our children pull us into the future - their future and all the wonder it holds and for that I’m eternally grateful. 

Blessings, Miss Sandra

Notes from the Kitchen by Tamara Treviranus

Greetings Lifeways Families, 

I hope you are all doing as well as possible, navigating these uncertain times. Some things have shifted at Lifeways, one of them being a slight change in my role at Lifeways. Instead of starting my morning with the children in the Woodland Suite, I am now completely dedicated to providing home-made, nutritious snacks and meals for the children and caregivers. I am still able to have simple interactions with the children, and am grateful for the opportunity to immerse myself in the task of keeping the hearth through the creative, nurturing expression of food preparation. We have been eating with the season, as well as enjoying items like home-made yogurt and home-made granola, lots of baked goods including graham crackers from scratch, soft whole wheat rolls, and zucchini bread. We’ve tried tabouli with hummus and are looking forward to incorporating more fermented foods to support a healthy immune system for the members of our community. 

One thing we have all probably learned from this period of uncertainty is that extra time allows us to work and proceed with intention. Applying this idea to participating in the food system, there are several ways that we can make small changes in our habits that are positive contributions to the environment and society. For example, making homemade yogurt is not only more nutritious, and less expensive, it also allows us to avoid contributing approximately 150 plastic containers per year to landfills, or to dubiously effective recycling efforts. While we continue to source most of our groceries from Outpost and Whole Foods, I am gradually working to make Lifeways food purchases as equitable as possible, while working within our budget. As the bulk spice section is still removed from our regular grocer, I will be ordering our spices from Penzey’s Spices, a company who was a leader in support of civil rights for all, and safety for their employees. As flour was sometimes difficult to procure, we have purchased bulk flours and oats from the Riverwest Coop, also leaders in inclusive and safe practices for their staff, volunteers and patrons. They are one of very few establishments still paying their workers hazard pay. While we miss the beautiful produce from our CSA share at Gernumbli Gardens as this farm program is on pause for the season, I will be purchasing as much produce as possible directly from the farmers at the Riverwest Farmers Market. 

I hope that this time of disruption, fear, and unknowing may be used as a catalyst to recreate the many systems that need reform. The virus and political climate have laid bare the inequities and systems of oppression within our education and health care systems. Our planet as our source for life and sustenance, continues to be increasingly threatened. Our way of life cannot continue as it was. May we continue to align our actions towards justice and human rights for all people on our one and only home.

Summer's Greeting by Destiny Skubis

Summer’s Greeting 

Our time apart was long and strange, 

Though times unsure, we have remained 

One circle of friends 

A community strong 

Our hearts are bonded 

We sing loud our song, 

Together we greet the summer days 

We soak in the sun and feel the rain 

Though times unsure, we have remained 

A place of wonder 

Of magic and laughter 

We’re here again to find what matters, 

In each day we feel alive 

May we greet the sun high in the sky 

May we bless the food for its good deed 

May we share a smile 

May we cultivate peace, 

Though times unsure, we have remained 

A place of love for all to gain 

Hello! From the Woodland Suite, 

Our rhythm has been simple and blissful. We’re meeting our needs with nourishment from the sunshine, fresh air, Miss Tammy’s cooking, and a quiet rest. Though, the minds and bodies of the children have been busy! 

It has been a real treat to be reunited and greeting the long summer days with play yard creativity and sprinkler fun. I have been so impressed with the children’s engineering and desire to construct blockades, balance beams, catapults, ramps, and bridges. There has also been some tender nurturing play where small stumps are transformed into babies, and large planks turn into resting areas or picnic plots. Their wonder never ceases to amaze me! 

Equally, it’s the season for exploring all the insects! The children have been quite enthusiastic about collecting caterpillars, creepy crawlers, and catching a glimpse of the dragonfly. It becomes a group effort to either catch or release these small visitors and brings a lot of joy (and maybe a few heebeegeebies to me.) 

I hope you all are enjoying these summer days as much as possible, and keeping the pleasures in life simple. 

Be Well, Miss Destiny

Summer in the Sunshine Garden by Belinda Kenwood

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer 

Those days of soda and pretzels and beer 

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer 

Dust off the sun and moon and sing a song of cheer 

Many suns and moons and summers ago, when I was a young child, I remember this song playing on the radio, and I also vaguely remember singing it along with Mitch Miller and his “Sing Along with Mitch” hour on television. He would ask the audience to “Follow the bouncing ball,” while providing the lyrics on the screen so we could follow along with Mitch and his chorus. Fond memories. Our first month back caring for children at LifeWays has brought me back to my memories of “those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.” (Minus the “days of soda and pretzels,” as I save those for at home consumption, and “beer.”) Our days have been relaxed and filled with plenty of time outdoors experiencing simple pleasures. We enjoy a gentle rhythm of the day, good food, good play, and good rest. It feels like time is suspended, and we live in the delights of the present moment. And speaking of delights, it has been absolutely delightful observing the children’s summertime, outdoor play. We’re not only blessed to be located on a land preserve that provides play spaces with both sun and shade, surrounding us with the beauty, wildlife, and sounds that only Mother Earth can provide, we have had the great fortune of having a few “old” LifeWays friends return to the fold for the summer months. Our friend, Adeola, from the Sunshine Garden, and our friends, Luci and René (Coco’s big brother), from the Violet Garden, have proved to be helpful additions to our group dynamic. Being older and having had “school” experience, they are our benevolent leaders and role models of ways to play and interact with one another as well as helping to work through challenges. 

So, in what delightful ways have I observed the children in their play? Because we caregivers strive to not interfere in their play, (as much as possible) allowing them the freedom from adult “eyes,” and adult ideas, it is absolutely amazing to watch their imaginations take flight and to see how capable they are of discovering and experimenting on their own. Here are a few things I’ve observed:

• Games of chase 
• Using wood planks, blocks and logs to create slides, teetertotters, bridges, shelters, towers, etc. – it’s awesome to see how they work together on these projects. It’s also fun to see who steps up to be the project “foreman”, giving instructions and directions to the others on how to complete a project. 
• Mixing and baking cakes, ice cream, muffins, cupcakes, etc. using sand, water and outdoor kitchen containers 
• Hunting and collecting creepy crawlies – inchworms, caterpillars, bugs, and other crawly things to show to friends and caregivers 
• Running with absolute joy through the sprinkler 
• Hanging out in neighborhood “packs” and “gangs” – especially the four to sixyear olds. Sometimes their younger siblings will accompany them. Now when I use the terms “packs and gangs,” I mean it in a nostalgic, good way. The “Spanky and Our Gang” and “How to Kill a Mockingbird” way. The way I did when I was younger as well as my own children. They’ll go explore in the wooded area, and then you may find them in a circle just chatting, making silly jokes, laughing, or observing a little earth creature. Then, they may get up again, run through the sprinkler and move on to coloring with chalk on the sidewalk, kicking a ball, playing chase, hanging from the poles of the bike rack, etc. When someone needs to rest or craves some alone time, they’ll disengage from the group and sit on a bench or the grass, or go off and do something on their own. When they’re ready, they rejoin the group. 
• Swinging on the Hammock – a favorite activity for sure! Learning to wait for your turn provides valuable lessons in patience and perseverance. 

The children do a very nice job of washing their hands after toileting and before/after meals. I can tell they’ve had lessons at home. After finishing the noon meal and saying “Good-bye” to our half-day friends, our full day friends ready themselves on their beds for an afternoon rest. Before turning off the lights for rest, I’ll read a story. In June, I read a book of Nursery Tales that included, The Three Bears, The Three Little Pigs, Chicken Little, The Lambikin (a Tale from India and one of my personal favorites as a young child) and others. Now that I’ve finished reading the tales in that book, I have moved on to reading a Treasury of Animal Stories by James Herriot, a British veterinary surgeon and writer who wrote the “All Creatures Great and Small” series. 

After napping and resting, those who’ve awakened early make their beds, go to the bathroom, and then don their shoes and sunhats to head outside to play while others are still napping and snack is being prepared. Once most or all of our friends have awakened and joined us outside, we head inside at 3:25pm to wash up for afternoon snack. After partaking in the afternoon meal, the children prepare to once again head outdoors to play as parents begin arriving to gather up their child/children. It has been a gift to be with the children in such a relaxed, joyful, simple manner during these lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. Thank you for entrusting your children in our care. 

With Gratitude,

Miss Belinda

To Train or Not to Train – “When and How” are the Questions by Belinda Kenwood

To Train or Not to Train – “When and How” are the Questions

By Miss Belinda

“Learning to use the toilet is a process that takes time. Rather than push or manipulate your child by giving him treats or a special reward for something that he will learn to do on his own, trust that he will learn when he is ready. Respect is based on trust.”

~ Magda Gerber (RIE – Resources for Infant Educarers)

Potty Training? Yes – we have a lot of that going on around here at LifeWays. Anxious, unsure, confused on what do to or when to start? Yes. There’s so much information “out there” about how and when to “potty train” that it can make one’s head spin. Have well-meaning relatives and/or friends asking you if your child is trained yet? Or, if the child is a bit “older” (and by older, I mean around age two or 2-1/2, and definitely the closer you get to 3-years) telling you that you need to get on it. Or making it their business to go ahead and attempt to “train” your child without having a conversation with you first?

Yes – We tend to make a habit of judging how other parents are raising their children, even though we are all in the same boat and as you’ve discovered in your parenting, there is no “one size fits all” when you are working with and talking about human beings. Please know that we are here to support you and your child in this journey (more on what that looks like later). Nancy Blanning (a long time Waldorf early childhood educator and Co-Director of the Early Childhood Training Program at Sunbridge College in NY) paints a picture for us by asking,

What is the to-do list for a little child? Her daily agenda is to grow and to develop control of her body, balance her feelings, and gain general confidence in being able to live this life on earth. There is a natural clock within each child’s being that sets the pace for this to happen in an unstressed and gradual way, just as a flower slowly opens its petals to bloom. And that pace is SLOW. The little child achieves competence and confidence through unrushed, steady practice in everything he does. To do this, he needs for time to be allowed to slow down and for adults to trust that his inner to-do list will guide his steps in finding his way into practical life.

And as Lisa Sunbury (Nurse, Early Childhood Professional, RIE Educator and has a blog, Regarding Baby) states, “Like with sitting, standing, walking, and other accomplishments that involve a baby’s mastery over his body movements, when it comes to learning to use the toilet, the way loving adults can be most helpful is to provide an optimal environment, and then wait patiently for the child to be ready and indicate her desire and willingness to participate in the process.” Now, for some reason, many caregivers and parents tend to fixate on the age of 2-years as the “right” time to begin toilet learning. However, there is no uniform age when to begin the process, because the toilet learning process is unique to each individual child. As a matter of fact, in the United States, the average age of toilet learning for girls is now 3-years and for boys, it’s 3.5 years. Having the capability to stay dry through the night is now grouped into a separate learning experience apart from daytime toilet learning. 

What to Expect?

As mentioned earlier, there is a wide range of normal. Some children may learn earlier or later, but the average child will reliably use the potty during the day somewhere between two and three years of age and will consistently stay dry at night somewhere between two and a half to five years of age. (Take note. My two children were well passed the average ages.) Also – some children may be excited and willing to use the potty for a period of time and then decide, “You know what...I’m no longer interested.” This is perfectly acceptable. The key here is to try and meet your child’s disinterest with a calm, matter of fact, “If you don’t want to/aren’t ready to use the potty, you may use a diaper. When you’re ready to try the potty again, let me know.” Then let it be and trust that your child will, indeed, let you know when they are ready to try again. Please keep in mind that learning to use the toilet is a complex process and requires much more of the child than just physically putting pee and poop into the potty.

As child specialist, Magda Gerber, noted, there are three types of readiness children need for toilet learning:

1. Physical Readiness: The ability to control the muscles that hold in bladder and bowel movements

2. Cognitive Readiness: The ability to know when they need to eliminate urine and feces and are fully aware of what they are supposed to do.

3. Emotional Readiness: Children are ready to let go of a situation they are used to and comfortable with (urinating and releasing feces into a diaper whenever they feel like it), and also let go, literally, of these waste products, which they perceive as belonging to them. “Emotional readiness usually comes last, is the most fragile, and also the most powerful. Young children can be particularly sensitive to a parent’s agenda. For some children, the subtlest nudge toward the potty or being diaper-free can cause holding of urine or feces, delay toilet learning for months or years, make them feel ashamed and can lead to constipation.” ~ Janet Lansbury 

Toilet learning, along with eating and sleeping, is about who is in control, and in these cases, it’s your child! Young children really do not have much control over what goes on in their lives, so if they feel any type of pressure to conform to a parent’s agenda surrounding eating, sleeping or toileting, this is where they will draw their line in the sand. As Janet Lansbury (a RIE Early Childhood Educator and author) notes:

Kids deserve to own this accomplishment. There isn’t a long list of accomplishments young children can achieve. But they can do this, so allow them to master this skill in their own time and in their own way. There is no more powerful, confidence- building affirmation for young children than “I can do it myself!”

So – What might this process look like? Well, it begins at birth: “Parents lay the groundwork for the child’s readiness when, beginning at birth, we make diaper changes

an enjoyable, cooperative time together, and respect the baby by slowing down and talking him through each part of the process” ~ Janet Lansbury. Invite children to actively participate in bathing, diaper changes, and other self-care routines from the time they are born. We invite active participation by communicating each detail respectfully: “I’m going to lift your bottom now so that I can wipe you. Can you help me lift?” Be mindful not to transmit negative messages about body parts or feces and urine (“stinky, dirty”, etc.), Janet Lansbury.

“If you expect and accept that it will take time for your child to master this new skill, it can go a long way towards helping your child to “go with the flow” ~ Lisa Sunbury. It takes planning to be prepared – Stock up on training pants, plan on doing extra laundry, and make sure you have plenty of extra clothes in your child’s drawer at LifeWays. Know where all the extra public restrooms in town are; carry extra underwear, wipes, and a change of clothes with you at all times. Anticipate and expect a few accidents. Model toilet use. Children naturally want to do what their parents, older siblings and suite mates do.

Don’t force or coax children to use the potty, but give clear behavior boundaries in general so that children aren’t tempted to use toilet learning as a testing ground. This sensitive and complex area of development needs to remain free and clear of power struggles. Make a potty available. Some children like a small potty that allows their feet to reach the floor. Others prefer a seat that fits into the regular toilet seat. Remember to place a step stool in front of the potty if/when needed. It can be a scary feeling for children to have their feet dangling with no support on which to place them. Observe. Become a practiced observer. When children seem to be signaling an urge to eliminate (by touching their diapers, pressing their thighs together, etc.), ask matter-of-factly if they would like to use the potty. Calmly accept “no” for an answer. Offer the choice of diapers/pull-ups or underwear when you sense children might be ready for toilet learning, always fully accepting their choice to stay in diapers. Trust, trust, trust your child to know when he/she is ready.

Now, what are LifeWays expectations in regard to toilet learning? As mentioned above, we are here to support you and your child’s process in this journey. What does that look like: Firstly – It is important to schedule a time to discuss the process with your caregiver before beginning toilet learning so that everyone is prepared to support the child. No surprises, i.e., a child leaves the center on a Friday wearing diapers and then arrives on Monday wearing underpants. “Wait...what? This is the first I’m hearing of this.” Before beginning the process, it is also important that there be no other big changes happening at home. For example, if a new baby has arrived, you are planning a move, your child has just started childcare, you are preparing for a trip/vacation or have just returned home from a trip/vacation. The advice I was given was not to anything new 3-weeks before a planned vacation or 3-weeks returning home from a vacation. Changes in the family or other stressors can make the process more difficult and prolonged than it has to be. Know that while we are here to support what’s happening at home, please understand that at first, the process may look different between home and LifeWays. Children may be showing signs of readiness and are comfortable using the potty at home, etc., but are not yet showing enough signs of readiness and are not yet comfortable using the potty at LifeWays. Thus, maintaining clear communication between home and LifeWays is key.

We will follow the child’s lead. If a child feels more comfortable wearing a diaper/pull-up for a while at LifeWays, we will honor that request. We do not want to add any undue pressure on the child and create power struggles where none need to be made. After discussing your and your child’s toilet learning plans with your caregiver, we request you work on the process consistently at home for one week before we start the process at LifeWays. As mentioned previously, when the child begins the process either at home or at LifeWays and has several accidents within the first few days or week or if the process is already underway and the child begins to resist (crying, saying no, becomes disinterested or shows fear), we will immediately stop and calmly put the child back in a diaper and wait for a few weeks or more before beginning the process again. Summer can be a great time to begin the process because family schedules may be more relaxed and children can run around naked or just in underwear at home, which, helps them become very aware of their bodies.

Please allow extra time upon arrival at the center to take your child to the bathroom before releasing them to their caregiver. Also – Please do not ask them if they want or need to use the potty. Simply say in a matter-of-fact way something like, “Let’s go use the potty before we say “Hello” to Miss __________________.  Remember – Don’t insist upon or cajole your child to sit on the potty if it is not their idea. You may offer at natural times, for example, when preparing for a bath, but if they say “No, “let it be “No.” Allow them to practice in their own way. Some children like to sit on the potty fully clothed for many months before ever taking off their diapers.

Dress for Success

Pants with elastic waistbands that are easy for the children to pull up and down by themselves are best for both girls and boys. No dresses to get in the way and try to hold up, no buttons, snaps, belts, overalls, etc., all which can set up a child for failure when needing to use the potty.

Signs of Readiness or Emerging Readiness

• ·         The child needs to be dry for long periods of time during the daytime such as two to three hours.
• ·         The child needs to be able to undress and dress (pulling up their pull-up or underwear and pants) with minimal assistance.
• ·         The child needs to be able to sit on the toilet quietly for moderate periods of time such as five or ten minutes
• ·         The child needs to show an interest in use of the potty- chair or toilet.
• ·         The child needs to have a desire to please parents by participating in toilet learning
• ·         The child needs to notice or feel uncomfortable with wet or soiled diapers
• ·         The child needs to have basic language skills necessary for understanding and expressing the need to go. In other words, the child needs to articulate to the caregiver that they need to go potty.

And another reminder that if your child resists or begins resisting using the toilet, or begins having frequent accidents at any point in the process, stop immediately, breathe, and calmly put them back into their diaper. They may be telling you to please put the brakes on, as they are not yet ready. If we do not heed what they are trying to tell us with their behavior, it has then become the parent’s/caregiver’s agenda and not the child’s....which, as mentioned, can lead to power struggles and a prolonged process.

What it all boils down to is, there is no “right” or “appropriate” age to begin the toilet learning process. Look to your child. They will guide you. They will let you know when they are ready if their environment is pressure free from adult agendas and when it is their own idea. Any questions, concerns, etc., please talk with your caregiver. We are all in this together.

Happy Waking by Destiny Skubis

Happy Waking         

It’s 2:50 p.m. Nap time is soon coming to an end, though they each lay so still, so peacefully. I beg for time to stand still, and for a moment it feels my wish is granted; I admire the whole room, the soft magenta darkness, the warmth, each child so tenderly held in their covers, untouched, they are each so perfect.
“Let a sleeping baby lie” I tell myself, trying to beware of my awakening energy and their sweet slumber...the room shares a breath in unison.
We linger in a state of waking restfulness until the afternoon light calls me to open the curtains. I see the children will not stir until I do, so gently, and a bit gingerly, I start to move about.
I desire for them to wake as quietly and softly as they went to sleep. My fondest memories from childhood are being woken by my mother with thoughtfulness; I remember her touch, her smell, the quietness she brought to waking me. It was a treat to wake up even if I did (and sometimes still do) it begrudgingly.
It is here in this moment I am reminded how intention, consideration, and pausing can be a blessing for us all.
I hope every day you can find a moment to linger in, to soak in the sweetness, to cherish the little time they are so small.

Happy Waking,
Ms. Destiny